Holy Account Executive!
During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread," to "give us this day our daily chicken," and KFC will donate ten million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again, this time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million... this time the Pope accepts.At the next meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision: "I have good news and bad news: The good news is... we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news -- it looks like we're going to lose the Wonder Bread account!
A Job to Die For!
A director dies of a heart attack, due to over-exhaustion. He's greeted by St. Peter:ST. PETER: "Boy have we been waiting for you. God has the perfect project for you."
DIRECTOR: "Oh no, I can't possibly do another film or commercial now. I just died of a heart attack," the director protests.
ST. PETER: "Well, first listen to who you'd get to work with!"
DIRECTOR: "O.K."
ST. PETER: "God has commissioned Shakespeare as the copywriter."
DIRECTOR: "WOW! SHAKESPEARE...but...I really am tooooo tired right now to take on another job...BURN OUT you know."
ST. PETER: "Oh, but the Art Director is Leonardo DaVinci! "
DIRECTOR: "Oh geeeeeee, Shakespeare as the copywriter and DaVinci as the AD!!!! How can I refuse? Well...O.K., I guess I can rest later. "
THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED.
ST. PETER: "By the way God has this son who can sing and act!"
Reap What Ye Shall Sow
A producer died and went to heaven.At the pearly gates, God welcomed the producer and offered to show her around Heaven. She saw that life above was serene and tranquil with omnipresent lutes and choral singing. But none of her friends were there. Remarking to the Almighty that she was expecting a more lively scene in the afterlife, God offered to let her take a look at afterlife in Hell.
Hell was a complete surprise -- all her friends were there whooping it up, partying, drinking beer and rocking out. She returned to Heaven and asked God if she could spend her eternity in Hell. He responded in the affirmative.
Upon her return to Hell, she found just what she had always conditioned to expect. A fiery inferno, backbreaking labor, no coffee breaks. As the devil approached her with a menacing smile, the producer pleaded with him to explain the discrepancy between this version of Hell and the one she'd seen on her first visit.
The devil replied, "Oh, did you like my demo reel? "
Something To Look Forward To
A copywriter dies, and Saint Peter offers him a choice of Heaven or Hell. The writer asks to see both.Leading him to a doorway, Saint Peter says: "Here in Hell, we have a room just for copywriters." Inside, the writer sees row upon row of faceless hacks, all scribbling frantically as giant red devils lay into them with heavy whips. "The meeting's in five minutes! The meeting's in five minutes" the devils scream.
"Uh ... better show me Heaven," the writer says. So up they go.
"Here in Heaven, we have a room for copywriters too," Saint Peter says. Peering into the second room, the writer again sees row upon row of faceless hacks, all scribbling frantically as giant red devils lay into them with heavy whips. "The meeting's in five minutes! The meeting's in five minutes" the devils scream.
The copywriter protests, "But I thought you said this was Heaven!"
St. Peter says, "Well, up Here, the work gets produced."
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