Signs of Our Times

• On a shopping mall marquee:
  "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

• On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon:
  "Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."

• In a funeral parlor:
  "Ask about our layaway plan."

• In the offices of a loan company:
  "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

• On a radiator repair garage:
  "Best place to take a leak."

• On the menu of a restaurant:
  "Blackened bluefish"
• In a library:
  "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away."

• In downtown Boston:
  "Callahan Tunnel / No end."

• In an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin:
  "Crap - .79/lb."

• In a New York restaurant:
  "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

• On a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
  "Do not activate with wet hands."

• In a laundry room:
  "Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."

• In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
  "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

• On a Pennsylvania highway:
  "Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most people 15 to 19."

• In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
  "Ears pierced while you wait."

• At a number of gas stations across the US:
  "Eat here and get gas."

• In a toy department:
  "Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!"

• In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
  "15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"

• On a New York convalescent home:
  "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

• In a Los Angeles dance hall:
  "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

• On a New York employment office door:
  "Good girl wanted bad."

• Safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket:
  "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

• In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
  "If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."

• On a front yard in York, Maine:
  "Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night."

• On a New Hampshire medical building:
  "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."

• In a Florida maternity ward:
  "No children allowed."

• On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
  "Now available in multi-packs."

• On a movie marquee:
  "Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!"

• In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
  "Now serving live lobsters."

• In a Maine restaurant:
  "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

• On a delicatessen wall:
  "Our best is none too good"

• On a Maine shop:
  "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

• In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
  "Parking for birds only."

• In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
  "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

• On a Tennessee highway:
  "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

• On top of a San Fransico drug store, across the street from the Transbay bus terminal:
  "Terminal Drugs"

• On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
  "38 years on the same spot."

• On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
  "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy"

• On a roller coaster:
  "Watch your head"

• Outside a country shop:
  "We buy junk and sell antiques."

• In a store window:
  "Authentic Reproductions of Endangered Animals Made with Genuine Fur and Leather."

• In a New York drugstore:
  "We dispense with accuracy"

• At a Santa Fe gas station:
  "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

• On a Tennessee highway:
  "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

• In the window of an Oregon store:
  "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

• In the vestry of a New England church:
  "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

• In a clothing store:
  "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."