Signs of Our Times

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon: "Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."

On the menu of a restaurant: "Blackened bluefish"In a library: "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away."

In downtown Boston: "Callahan Tunnel / No end."

In an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin: "Crap - .79/lb."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: "Do not activate with wet hands."

In a laundry room: "Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

On a Pennsylvania highway: "Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most people 15 to 19."

In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."

At a number of gas stations across the US: "Eat here and get gas."

In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!"

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

On a New York employment office door: "Good girl wanted bad."

Safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."

On a front yard in York, Maine: "Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night."

On a New Hampshire medical building: "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."

In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."

On a movie marquee: "Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!"

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters."

In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good"

On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers: "Parking for birds only."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

On top of a San Fransico drug store, across the street from the Transbay bus terminal: "Terminal Drugs"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy"

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head"

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In a store window: "Authentic Reproductions of Endangered Animals Made with Genuine Fur and Leather."

In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy"

At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."